Were you waiting for love? Want to know what love really is?
I didn’t know what love was. The love I knew was what I watched on Asian dramas (Korean, Chinese, etc.) and the love between Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask. I never had direct contact with love in the early years of my teenage life. My parents were not the greatest example for love. I remember their constant fighting, sometimes it turned physically violent and I wanted to hide, sometimes the verbal abuse would be so bad I wish I could disappear so I didn’t have to hear. Our house was not a home. There was so much fear in the house.
One day, my mom came home with cops. She decided to leave my abusive dad and threw him jail. She took me and seven younger siblings to a safe house and later to a new town.
I was honestly happy she did what she did… but then one morning I woke up and he was there. In the house. Like he never left. Mom had let him back in without warning any of her kids. The shock, the betrayal… I felt so lost and betrayed by my mom because she knew how much I hated my dad for the things he has done.
Fortunately, I had found God a few months earlier and had learned to love and forgive. I accepted him back in our lives because he had “changed.” But my mom’s actions betrayed my trust and hurt me deeply. Although I put on a smile and lived my life routinely, deep inside of me was a seed of anger and a sense of unworthiness. I believed my mom threw me away. She did not talk to me and disregarded my feelings. So, although I knew I would never stop loving my mom I was resentful towards her.
I made my big escape from my dysfunctional family when I turned nineteen. I went away for college. I found a wonderful church in Santa Cruz and I started dealing with the anger inside of me. It came from feeling betrayed and feeling helpless. I had to undo everything that was done to me and let go. One of the first things I learned from a very sweet older lady with a beautiful child’s soul whose sole purpose is to glorified God, was love, truth, and honesty – to myself.
I want to share with you the words that changed my perspective of myself and helped me view the world in a better light.
I want you to do a very simple exercise that my friend went over with me and it changed how I see love. Read the verses below.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”
~1 Cor 13: 4-8
Yes, I know, these verses are one of the most used verses to explain and describe love in the Christian world. To most, they are overused and the significant meaning of these words have faded in importance. But for me, they define how I live. I want to show you another way of looking at them and hopefully, they will open your eyes to a whole new level of what love is and can be, as love is the inspiration for this blog.
Now the next step in this activity is for you to replace every “love” word you see and every “it” word that refers to love with your name.
“(Your name) is patient, (Your name) is kind. (Your name) does not envy, (Your name) does not boast, (Your name) is not proud. (Your name) does not dishonor others, (Your name) is not self-seeking, (Your name) is not easily angered, (Your name) keeps no record of wrongs. (Your name) does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (Your name) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
(Your name) never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”
This is how I know love and how I will remember myself and remind myself that I AM WORTHY of everything and will not settle for anything less in my life. I am love. I am all those things mentioned in the verses – not perfect, but I am worthy of having it all returned to me as I’ve given it.
YOU are love.
Love is not something you do. You encompass, embody the very essence of love; God created us with love, He is love, therefore we are love as well. True, His love is perfect and we are amatures perfecting our love – and oh I am so very excited to keep loving, keep discovering how to love, and most importantly learn to extend my patience.
YOU are LOVE.
Have you thought of yourself as love? Did you know love is more than a feeling, that you can see it? It is a reflection of you, it is you. I would be thrilled to know how you see love, let me know in the comments below or you can email me directly here!