I am searching for God.
When I was younger, about 10 years ago, I was really into knowing God and I thought I knew Him. But then what? I continued to live the way the Bible laid out. I don’t think I questioned my life, my walk. I just followed.
Looking back on my younger years with God, I wondered what I really knew at the time. I think I was in the honeymoon stage with God. I say that because I was simply happy knowing He was there, that I was blessed… what I should have done was get to know Him, get to know me.
Today, I read the story of Moses and saw the story through new eyes. I understood the story of the descendants of Adam; I saw the misery they faced in Egypt. Oppressed, silenced, and wronged just because of their nationality. Moses grew up with privilege but couldn’t escape his roots. The Egyptians never really accepted him into their group and the Israelites saw him as a traitor. He was not fully accepted by either group (with the exception of his adopted and biological mothers, I would assume). How alone Moses must have felt. Lord, why did You let Moses suffer? Why did you take the Israelites to Egypt only to see endless suffering and crying?
Thinking about a life where my voice is not heard, my misery is bottomless, no end in sight… I know I would be depressed to the point of thinking my life is worthless and why should I keep living? The Israelites were so brave and strong to live every day still praising God, still faithfully praying and believing in His promises.
And surely enough, Moses’ existence is His promise of freedom to the Israelites. He’s heard their cries. But Moses?
Moses responded to the Lord’s command, “I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue” (Exodus 4:10, NIV). This blew my mind. Not because Moses has reservations about setting free a whole nation of Israelites from Egypt, anyone called to do this task would have reservations. I am blown away because Moses is a man who not only is slow to talk and lacks elegance, but he ran away from Egypt, fearful for his life. Not the public defender you would want.
But God CHOSE MOSES for the most important job! And that excites me. God chose someone with a handicap, someone who’s resume is less than desirable and says to Moses, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say,” (Exodus 4:11, NIV). Hallelujah! That is my Mighty God right there! He can pick anyone to do the job that must be completed. He doesn’t need someone who is qualified, just someone who is willing because He will do all the heavy lifting. Now THAT makes me giddy and excited. I know that even though I am less than average, I can still do the work God has in store for me if I am willing. My God is mighty. Hallelujah!
And still, Moses was reluctant because he knows he does not have the qualifications to do this enormously and important task God has called him to do. But what Moses does not know is that God is not looking for his resume, just His heart, and God is the one who will be working… Moses is just the messenger. Hear that? Moses is just the messenger of all the works and words God will do. God responded to Moses’ reluctance, saying, Aaron will be Moses’ partner and speak for him but Moses still needs to perform the miracles God has set (Exodus 4:14-18, NIV).
God will not send you by yourself to accomplish a big task. He’ll send you a group of supporters. You are not alone: you will have a group of supporters with the same vision, and most importantly, God will be right there with you. Now doesn’t that just get you excited about God? I’m not talking about just doing a job He’s asked about you, but about Him being your God.
This gets me burning with excitement and I want to know more about my God, dig deeper and find out more about my God. He’s already incredible, but I just know there is more… and I’m not just saying what everyone says: we do not know the thoughts of our God because He works in mysterious ways. Yes, He works in mysterious ways, because we do not know Him and His thoughts… but what if we get to know Him so well, that He shares with us His ways and how He does things? We’ve seen Jesus revealing his thoughts and things to happen in the future with his disciples because they’ve built that relationship and trust (I am not going to expand on this in this post).
Just knowing this little bit about God’s plans and how He worked in the lives of the Israelites and Moses, I am eager to learn more about God, dig a little deeper to understand my God’s heart more. I am searching for more of God.
What have you found about God that’s made you desire to know Him more?