Where was I when I fell in love? What did I feel? Let me start off by saying…
Like every woman out there I dreamt of finding true love with a prince. I prayed and wished upon a star for the man of my dreams to find me and whisk me away to happily ever after. I spent my childhood with that dream and took it with me throughout my teenage years…yet I never dated anyone. I had multiple crushes but never fell in “puppy love” – as we use to say it – with anyone either. The few boys that ever came close to confessing or showing their adoration for me always backed off or I scared them off.
I only wanted one love for the rest of my life and I am not taking a chance on messing that up. But the truth was, my parents’ relationship taught me a terrifying lesson about loving the wrong person or being in a relationship you do not want to be in. I did not want to get stuck in love with someone not worth it. I had specific qualifications and guidelines for the guy who would be in my life… all of which did not matter much I later found out.
My qualification list included:
- Taller than me, which is the easiest qualification (I’m 4’9”)
- I didn’t want him to be Hmong (the fear of the stereotypes of my race that I see daily).
- Be responsible, loving, and caring towards me.
- Financially well off
At the time I made this list I already established a relationship with the church and with Christ…and yet, I noticed that my requirements for a man did not include God. I was not ready to have a healthy relationship with anyone because I did not involve the one thing that matters most – God.
The year I turned 23, I was fully focused on God and was satisfied with my life following Him. Finding a partner was, perhaps third or fourth on my list of priorities, maybe even lower down the list than I remember… it wasn’t important for me because I had inner peace and was quite happy with where I was. I had faith God will bring me the person I was to be with. I knew He was sculpting me to be the best version of myself and He was preparing the man He’s set for me – I cannot rush that.
And so I dedicated myself to building my spiritual side up and helping the youth at my church. I worked toward loving and forgiving, stopping gossip as it reached my ears.
Then this happened:
I was chatting online with a guy who did not interest me much because I was VERY INTO how good looking he was – and we all know that good looking boys/men are bad news! 😉 Talking to him was like having a pen-pal but by phone instead of writing. Truthfully, I did not see any partner material in him, but as the months progressed I saw changes in him. I saw growth as a person and my feelings changed. My respect grew for the man he was turning out to be as I got to know him more and more.
I hated the idea of being rejected, but I knew that I had to take a stand and draw boundaries or I would be crossing into lands I had no business being in. I took a chance and told him I started developing feelings and if it was not going anywhere we had better stop talking. He felt the same way. After six months of texting and calling, he flew from New Jersey to California and we met for the first time. We would only meet three more times in the following 3-4 months before he moved to California to be with me.
He was not perfect, he did not meet all my requirements, and he came with issues, but that was okay. His imperfections made him compassionate towards MY baggage and My imperfections. Because I worked out my inner issues, I had no problem accepting my shortcomings and standing my ground for who I am; and so although this is my first relationship, my first boyfriend, and it is a huge next step in my life, I was able to do it — all thanks to God almighty who strengthened me, reminded me to have faith in Him and in my partner, and showed me how to love myself. When doubt clouded my mind and mistrust brewed in my heart, I was reminded of what love is…
Our love story is still in the making, we still stumble, there are days when we don’t want to be with each other and don’t want to see each other, but our hearts never stopped yearning to be near each other and we still hold onto a thread of hope that everything will be alright when they are not – that hope is God. We both know that without God our relationship would be impossible.
Let your relationship be guided by God and see where He leads you and yours. Let Him write your love story for you. He is the best story writer and what’s awesome is He makes it a REALITY!
What have you waited for, or are still waiting for, that is worth it?