About a month ago, right before father’s day, I shared with you my reluctance to celebrate my dad and the reasons why. If you haven’t read it, you can read it here.
I was reluctant to gift my dad this past father’s day for many reasons. One of the biggest reasons is that I don’t want him to think I forgave him or that he’s allowed back into my life. In my first post, I stated that I will gift my dad for the simple fact of showing love. Now I know this is not out of the openness and goodness of my heart. It is through God’s silent voice working inside of me. I could hear Him asking me what I know is the right way to live by Him.
Thus, I gave my dad a gift and celebrated Father’s day.
I bought a cake and a gift. My sibling were all there, we gathered around the kitchen table and called my dad to come. We wished him a happy father’s day, my sister said a prayer, we gave him his gift and proceeded to eat. It was nothing big or much of a hassle like it was for mother’s day.
My dad thanked everyone and said, “… this is the first time in my life receiving something like this.”
I realized that every year while I celebrated mother’s day and my mom’s birthday, I never celebrated anything related to my dad. I had my reasons not to and withheld something that may be valuable to my dad – honor and love.
Yes, he broke my heart by betraying my mom and hurting me and my siblings physically and emotionally when we were younger. Yes, he continues to be a more than difficultperson. Yes, he is more a burden than help around the house and in this family. Yes, he does not deserve anything. However, God put me in his life to show him and remind him of God’s love – a love I withheld because I was unwilling to let go of the past and because I wanted to cause him the same pain he caused me. I was unwilling to do what God wanted me to do – look past myself and to Him only.
What I learned from simply letting go and truly just gifting/blessing my dad is seeing/hearing his appreciation but also learning what he felt he lacked – love.
FOUR things I learned about gifting a person you dislike:
1. I am blessed with insight into his needs. I witnessed a small happy moment caused by my first step in blessing my dad.
2. I didn’t end up included in the “we’re now super close” category of relationship with my dad. I can still maintain a distance.
3. There is no pain or feeling like I betrayed myself, rather I had fun gathering with my family. (I believe I also made my mom happy).
4. I felt free. I am not chained into a certain norm. I don’t feel like I gave him the gift because I felt obligated to. I did it because I wanted to simply bless him and because of that, I felt nice, blessed, and free.
Who have you blessed when you didn’t feel like blessing that person? What did you learn? Share with me below! 🙂